• My experiences would teach me better ...



    The theme to my new book, Exit.






    Not what you thought? Don’t judge a song by its lyric, but rather its emotional pull. The lyric has an irony all its own.

    Some stories are of inter-personal failures. Some are more outward, dealing with the breakdown of social support and the visible world constructed. Some of these are the result of each other, but in the end people have to find something greater than the sum of the parts, or at least so I’m inclined to believe. I have some faith in my life, but I think that this is yet the hardest thing I’ve done yet and I hope to see it through and come out clean on the other side.

    But don’t we all? Isn’t every one of us searching for something greater in life, something that has meaning beyond all of our plans and schemes? People live to achieve greatness for themselves and those around them. I don’t think people just live to exist or watch the damn grass grow. I don’t think people start out trying to build a hollowness around them that has an echo of empty space but I believe it happens. I believe a lot of things happen. I believe people fail before they succeed.

    I want to tell you that some people struggle, some don’t. That’s the nature of it. There really is no other way to understand it. Some people reading this may just say, ‘oh, that’s just crazy’, someone else might say ‘I get it.’ No one is wrong. But it’s a matter of what a person is ready for in life and where they’re at. It’s a matter of what your paying attention to. A matter of hearing it.

    Having struggled to even breathe most of my life in a way that few people understand, I’ve spent years trying to make sense of the days around me. I haven’t always done my best either, but those moments had been fashioned for me long before I lived them. Everyone needs a period of rest, recovery and reconciliation. I’ve often failed. I’ve often been beaten. I’ve been left. I’ve been told goodbye, I’ve been walked out on without any farewell or a backwards glance. I’ve crawled up out of the gutter several times and yet I’m still here. Why I have so much faith in those around me, I’ll never know. My experiences would teach me better, should teach me better, but I prefer to hang onto something else that looks more like foolishness. I keep believing that life can be better tomorrow than it is today or was in the 'long-gone unpleasantness'.

    You have to be responsible for yourself and your life. You have to do more than what you’re expected to and you have to look more closely at yourself than you ever have before. If everything you do is wrong, every direction you take a dead end, every moment lost and everyone you touch stone, then tell me what you think you’re doing right? Tell me where you think you stand. Tell me that you haven’t been coasting. Tell me that you know better … and when you’re done with all that -- maybe we can get somewhere.


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