Nobody will read this, so it probably doesn’t matter.
I’m on an island, lost at sea and surrounded by sand as far as the horizon will stretch and beyond. It’s like Tom Hanks in that film ‘Cast Away’, but there’s no ocean and no Wilson to confide in.
What is it about being lost in life? What is it about being the only person you know that you can trust to tell your inner most thoughts to? What is it to expect all that to change when you know it won’t. What is it when you know that the bulk of people you think you know don’t care and would rather watch another lame rerun of ‘Malcolm in The Middle’ than reach out. I think that’s what most people call life. Suck it up and deal.
What is it to realize that nothing is coming for you? No search party. No shore patrol. No satellites whispering by, overhead in the black of night, taking photos and looking for heat signatures.
If I didn’t have a hobby I might go mad. If I don’t have something that breathed fresh life into me every morning, I just might not be able to see the point of all this.
How do people do this? Do they find a comfortable spot in the cave and make random and primitive paintings of the wildlife or the arc of the sun in the sky? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do most days to be honest. Obviously, hundreds of thousands of ancestors before me were smart enough to figure out how to live, be happy, procreate and enjoy life enough to eventually have me, so why don’t I feel grateful to any of them?
Or am I supposed to build a raft out of a broken toilet and hazard the reef and drift endlessly just with some minor chance of having someone reach out to find me? Wait. Hasn’t that been what I was doing all along?
Somedays, and yes, it is sacrilegious to say, but I don’t think I have a guardian anymore or anyone watching over me. I've lost faith in a lot of things, but I think the obverse is true and that the Universe has perhaps lost more faith in me. Maybe they just got bored waiting for me to grow into something more graceful. Maybe we really are left alone in the void to fend for ourselves.
Only I can make myself happy … only I can find a way off the island …